Not a “Good Enough Christian”


I rarely write posts about my faith because I feel like I’m not a “good enough Christian” who reads the Bible a few times and memorized verses, goes to church every Sunday, discusses God with others on a daily basis, etc. I am not that woman. I pray, but probably not enough. I ask for guidance, but do not preach the word to others. I even get uncomfortable when people ask to pray for me.

 

Are you like me, a Christian who believes in God, but could use more faith? Below, are a few of topics that come to mind when I think of not being a “good enough Christian.”

 

I Ask Lots of Questions

During Bible studies, difficult questions constantly race out of my mouth. Guilt follows my inquiries, as I feel as though my questions may be viewed as a lack of faith or simply inappropriate although asking them is my natural disposition. Questioning things is how I learn from this challenging world. If God knows my heart, then why does it matter what others think?  

 

Authenticity breeds courage and strength. Let’s continue asking difficult questions to grow our faith without fear of judgment or shame. Do not silence yourself. Although I realize that not all of these questions can or will be answered, having difficult discussions may build relationships with your fellow Bible study participants and with God.

 

Church

I am an Orthodox/Tewahdo Christian, but I have attended many different churches such as Greek Orthodox, Tewahdo, Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, and many others. My main goal is to regularly attend the church services that speaks to my soul. I feel guilty at times for not attending the Eritrean Tewahdo Church, but the language barrier makes it difficult for me. Some services are in Ge’ez, a language that many do not understand, and other portions in Tigrinya. Further, the customs start to become more stringent than I prefer. Also, childcare is crucial for me and many Tewahdo Churches do not provide childcare. As a married woman with three kids, my husband and I find it difficult to enjoy church service while our three little boys are all over the place. Wrangling our children while others stare, ask if we need help and/or direct us to “more comfortable places” for the kids takes away from the service.  

 

When I think of the Tewahdo Church, and many other churches, I wonder whether religion in churches becomes consumed with more culture than spirituality. As we all know, Sunday is one of the most segregated days in the U.S. Although I love that churches brings people of similar faith and cultures together, I wonder if it divides when there are clear lines of who does and does not belong in each church. Is this how God wanted it?

 

Faith vs. Fear

Writing about God scares me. I fear I will become a target of opinions and, even more so, that I will disappoint God. However, I know God knows that my purpose is to serve and praise Him. I was so afraid to write about God that I deleted a whole section in my book, Cactus Fruit for fear that it was not worthy of sharing. A poem on God must be perfect, and I felt that my words were gravely inadequate. Life could be so simple and many of my daily struggles, worries and stressors would subside if I simply had deeper faith. Therefore, below I amtaking that leap and sharing one of the poems that I planned to publish but did not. Let’s grow our faith together and share our fears through writing (and sharing). I can help you do just that with my one-on-one coaching or with my public speaking engagements where I offer authenticity trainings to groups, organizations and corporations.  

 

Him

He shrinks me

Wet sugar

 

Covers me

Blinds

 

Holds me

Tightrope

 

More plentiful than mosquitos

 

The Center of my hurricane

 

I speak

He listens

Even though

I am but an ant

 

Forgiving

A mother

Protects

A hound dog

 

He deserves more than I give

 

I pay a penny for something worth trillions

He still gives it to me

I am not worthy

 

He gifts me blessings I do not deserve

I kneel

Still not enough

I cry

Not enough

 

When I see

The sun

Stars

A hurricane

A beautiful one

I think of

Him

 

Strength twirling like a ballerina

Quickly

Slowly

 

He is light

Dark

Water

Heart

Reigns

Stands

Spins

He is

God.

 

June 8, 2022


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