“Speak in Tigrinya”
I’m sitting, enjoying my time with a family member and laughing when all the sudden I hear, “Ba Tigrinya tezarebi” (meaning “speak in Tigrinya”) from a stranger, someone I have never met before and who I have no relationship with. I am writing to dissect my feelings about this request:
Would It Be Rude for Me to Ask Them to Speak in English?
If the same question was posed from me to them to speak in English, would that be rude? After all, we are living in the U.S., so would it not be more reasonable of a request? The truth is there are other comments that are definitely rude that come to my mind that I work hard to hold back. However, if my request for them to speak in English would be considered rude, then why is it not rude for them to ask me to speak in Tigrinya?
Just a bit of background about myself, I was born and raised in the U.S. to Eritrean parents. Although, I speak Tigrinya, English is definitely my best language. My Tigrinya is choppy, and I have a thick accent and mispronounce many words. Often, I have to ask for clarification or help saying certain words. Therefore, I am more comfortable speaking in English, and I speak English quite well and eloquently I must say. Even in stating that my Tigrinya isn’t fluent, I realize that I open myself up to judgment. My guilt bubble pops and shame consumes my being for not being seen as perfect.
When questions about my lack of fluency in Tigrinya follow, what I see is a superiority flag waiving in my face saying, “I’m better than you, I’m fluent, why aren’t you?” This question does not create the environment susceptible for growing relationship, so maybe spare me.
Preserving Culture
For the record, I understand when close family members such as parents or grandparents request that I speak in Tigrinya, as I see it as their way of seeking to preserve their own culture to their own children and grandchildren and have an interest in doing so. However, moving to the U.S. away from one’s native lands must make elders understand that in time cultures evolve, the new nation’s culture dominates, families mix and parts of the culture shift.
Smirky Comments are Not Welcomed
I also find that some who speak Tigrinya fluently make jokes when those like me make mistakes with certain words or phrases. Comments like, “How cute, did you hear what she said” or “What did you say, haha, it’s…not…” This commentary does not lend others to want to try to speak the language around them when they feel they will be judged or laughed at. Similarly, how would they feel if someone smirked or made fun of their English. I find myself constantly holding my tongue, but I would like to open up the conversations about these incidents that I am sure others have experienced.
Inviting friendships and relationships start by creating safe spaces for one another. This language debate stops becoming a safe space when one feels superior because of their skills. The truth is I wouldn’t mind improving my Tigrinya, and I could do better in trying. Similarly, those who are requesting that I speak Tigrinya probably could benefit from improving their English. Let’s instead lean on one another and create an environment where both of us are comfortable helping one another instead of dividing one another.
June 1, 2022